Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
