At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
