As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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