Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You ruined the universe
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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