You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
