Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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