The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
