Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
