I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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