I hate all girls vehemently.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
