The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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