i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
