a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
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