His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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