Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
