He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize