dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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