I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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