All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
