ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
