Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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