You smell like stripper and shame
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize