I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
