I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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