just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
