I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize