I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
