I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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