I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
