no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you didnt know i had herpes?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
