pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
