Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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