I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
