So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Who died my cat blue again?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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