Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're a waste of cheezeits
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
