I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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