just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize