We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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