dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
