the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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