Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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