I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
