I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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