I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
