there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize