I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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