Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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