i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
