just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
