you have to choose: penises or morals?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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