No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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