CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
