My balls are so social today.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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