Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
