And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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