just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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