why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
