I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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