we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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