Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
