3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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