Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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