the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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