A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
