that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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