no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
