I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
