If i come over, it means nothing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
