I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
