Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think my fart just growled at me.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
