There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
