Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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