she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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