i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
