oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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