how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
