Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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