you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
