Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
