When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
