i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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