wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
