Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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